Last week Michelle asked us to write about our first month with Dylan; “Easiest part, hardest part and most surprising part? Begin….”.
It’s been a week since that request. That’s the first thing.
The best advice we got was to sleep whenever he did. Not only so that we’d get some rest, but so that we would start to understand his rhythms. We’re still trying to do that. We keep reading that we will be able to interpret his cries; hungry, dirty diaper, tired, bored. Hasn’t happened yet. We usually just go through the checklist. It’s almost always “hungry”.
I’ll start with the easiest. My relationship with Dawn. We had a really hard time just getting to the delivery date. The fact that you don’t get a vacation after that seems cruel. Having each other has been essential. I don’t know how single parents do it.
The hardest part. Sleep deprivation, but not like I had thought it would be. I assumed that I wouldn’t be able to stay awake for the long hours. No, the real issue has been the mental exhaustion. I may be too tired to explain it well :) For the first three weeks Dylan was hungry every two hours. And that’s from beginning of feeding to beginning. Do the math and it sounds crazy. And it is. We started joking in the first week about referring to his age relative to feedings. “How old is your baby?” “Oh, he’s thirty-seven feedings old.” The answer to sleep deprivation…wait for it….naps. Your ability to be around a screaming baby improves 100% with even a one hour nap. It sound’s obvious now…just wait.
The most surprising. I’ll probably regret writing this later and may even get in trouble, but here it goes. I like Dylan, but I’m not in love with him. Yet. And I’m not too worried about that. I’ve learned that “love at first sight” is more Hollywood than reality for me. Every day he does something little that makes me melt. The rest of the time, he’s a lot of work with very little reward. But those little moments are getting more frequent. That’s how it’s going to work between me and Dylan; one moment at a time.
So, that’s my take. One thing I’ve learned, however, is that there are WAY MORE expectations placed on women than men. The bar is set pretty low for us. Dawn may have a completely different take on this post. I’ll let her answer in her own way.
Now it’s Midnight and time for me to tag out.
Dad.
#1 by Jen on June 23, 2009 - 7:13 am
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Well said. You hit the nail on the head with every point. Your surprise is a common occurrence. For some it does take time. Amen, to having a partner to help with the children. I may not show it well, but I’m still thankful for the help I get now. I thought many times, how do single parents do it? I’ve forgotten a lot about the first few months. I think mother nature does this so we will have more children. I’m starting to imagine what it will be like when the boy arrives in 8 weeks (or less) but I just can’t get a clear a picture. In the mean time nesting in full force. Keep up the great work. We look forward to hearing Dawn’s take…if she can get the energy to post. Love you all lots!!!
#2 by Dawn on June 23, 2009 - 11:18 am
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Dylan’s napping..so I’ll try to explain my side of the story……..
As crazy as it may sound the easiest part of this whole process has been adjusting to the lack of sleep. I like to think all my years in the kitchen have prepared me for crazy hours. Don’t get me wrong I tag out for naps when I reach my limit, luckily I have a wonderful partner in this who will take over while I get my ZZZ’s. On the the subject of sleep, I can’t express the amount of love that flows when Dylan is sleeping on my chest and we cuddle together until the next feeding. I think it is these moments that get me through those feedings.
The hardest part for me revolves around breast feeding. In all of our classes no one really gave an honest interpretation of how to make the breast feeding work. Dylan’s first day of life I got a false sense of security because everyone told us what a great latcher he was. When he lost too much weight I couldn’t help but feel like, here we go again, the problem is my mechanics not Dylan. We did as we were told by our doctor and gave him formula only to be scolded later for it in a breast feeding group. The pressure around this whole breast is best thing is ridiculous. I consider myself lucky that it has just been a supply issue, there are real horror stories out there. I have to thank Jean for picking up a book called “Unbuttoned” for me in Dylan’s first weeks. It is just a bunch of stories about mom’s and their experiences with breast feeding. The stories helped me give myself a break and be ok that my well-being was just as important as Dylan’s. Not really a concept shared by my breast feeding circle. Things are tons better, but I still find myself reaching that breaking point when Dylan gets frustrated at the breast and has his little melt down.
Surprises?
It is weird but I’m surprised at how differently Boo and I react to Dylan. I’m ok (most of the time) with the crying while Boo isn’t quite there yet. When Dylan’s fussy I wanna cuddle and Boo like’s to pick on him, just a little bit. Boo likes to put him down to sleep, I wanna hold him all night long. We started out as friends, then lovers and now husband and wife. I can actually see and feel the progression into mom and dad.
Overall it’s a shit ton of work, physical and emotional. But, it’s a new life we’re talking about….It probably should be right? I Love my new life and already know we’ll be doing it again…just not any time soon:)
Lots of Love to the East Coasters.
#3 by Michelle on June 23, 2009 - 2:19 pm
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That is awesome!! Thank you for sharing. I love that I actually hear both of you in my head when I read your stories. Now here is the question, if D and I provide another McGuire playmate will you move East?
#4 by Norm on June 24, 2009 - 5:10 am
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Don’t let anyone put any pressure on you about the breast feeding, it’s hard enough without someone judging you on how you feed your baby. Do what you feel is right for yourself….not someone else.
Try and get into a schedule. It helps. A lot.
#5 by DMAC on June 24, 2009 - 6:25 am
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yeah Dawn you shouldn’t succomb to peer pressure about breastfeeding. but peer pressure to move east is fine, succomb to that instead. Move east! Move East!
I can’t believe I am about to say this… but Norm is right. You’re only obligation is to do what you believe is in the best interest of your child. Everybody else, mothers groups included, can suck it.
#6 by Dawn on June 24, 2009 - 12:02 pm
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Thank you boys! Now if I could just get all you guys to fly out west and walk into my neighborhood granola mommy store with me. I would love to see all of them squirm.
#7 by Lester on June 25, 2009 - 8:24 pm
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“just not any time soon:)” -made me laugh out loud. Woops, We might name our son Surprise. I have to agree with what Norm said about his breast feeding experiences. Dylan is your kid. You will do what’s best.
#8 by Jen on June 26, 2009 - 7:33 am
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I’ve been thinking about the breast feeding cult that is out there and my experience. I was completely exhausted one of the nights I was still in the hospital after delivering Katherine. An old school nurse came in around midnight and said let me take her to the nursery, I’ll wake you for her next feeding. Katherine and I slept until 6 am! It was what I needed and Katherine was still healthy. The lactation consultant was furious. I didn’t care. I had new strength to continue on. So my long winded point is that the tribal men are right, I just wanted you to hear it from a woman.